Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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