She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
