I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
