it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
