plz talk dirty to me
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
