Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
