I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
You are a genius and a whore.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
