if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
