i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
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you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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