I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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