I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize