i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize