they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
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Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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