Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
