so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
