:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize