I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
The struggles of a small town man whore
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
