dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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