i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
