it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Randomize
