You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
