...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Randomize
