he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
