Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
lets start a swedish sibling band together
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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