Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
He did a backflip because drugs
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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