Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
