I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
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