She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
