I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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