Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
