I feel great
I just peed on a car
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
