I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
