i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
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