I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize