I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
