I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
We are all done wearing pants today
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
