I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
