I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
