I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
