I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize