ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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