YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
