I think I am morally bankrupt
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Randomize
