how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Randomize
