it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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