I wannas sexs uuuuu
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
