I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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