ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I need a burrito and a hug.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
All the doctor said was why
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
