my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize