Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
