from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
