so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
