Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
