don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
