He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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