Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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