Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
