We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
