apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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