the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
