You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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