Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
