im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
