So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
