You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Randomize
