She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
