If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
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